Dressing rooms and 5 year olds don’t mix
On Monday, I decided to treat myself to some new workout clothes for the winter. The boot camp I attend is outside and it can be pretty chilly in the evenings! I had my 5 year old daughter with me, so of course I brought her in to the dressing room with me to try on clothes. Bad. Idea. Here’s the commentary that followed:
(I should have realized then that this was not going to end well.)
“Yeah, you should really get new clothes, you’re getting pretty big!”
(Really?! Ya think?! I would have NEVER noticed if you hadn’t told me. Why do you think I’m getting clothes to WORK OUT in?)
“Oh my Mommy! You have a lot of hair under your arms. And DOWN THERE.”
(Thank you Eva. Thank you for letting everyone know that I haven’t shaved recently. It’s winter, for crying out loud!)
“Yep, those pants don’t fit. You have a lot of fat poking out there.”
(Again, I KNOW I HAVE FREAKING FAT. It pokes out everywhere! I’m trying NOT to think about that as I try on clothes!)
“Hee hee! I can see your nipples again!”
“We all grow every day. I’m growing, but Mommy, you have REALLY been growing.”
(Thought this one was going be safe. Oh Eva, you tricky, tricky girl.)
“Mommy, I never want hair on my legs when I grow up. You sure do have a lot of hair on your legs and vagina!”
(Again, thanks for letting everyone know that your mother is really Sasquatch. A hairy vagina Sasquatch.)
After trying repeatedly to get her to quiet down to no avail, I hurriedly put everything back on hangers and got out of there! Needless to say, I won’t be taking Eva with me to try on clothes again, lol!
(By the way, I did pick up some really cute workout clothes, and an adorable top that was only $5.00!)
Sometimes I write funny stuff. At least I think it’s funny anyway. Here’s a few more you might like:
What your toenail polish says about you <– I draw like a 6 year old! Yay!
When I’m not boozin’ it up, you can find me drinking coffee. Lots of it. I don’t have a problem though.
Explaining oral sex to my 8 year old? Where do I sign up?!
10 things you should never say to a mom with lots of kids. Unless you want to get throat punched.